Sometimes musical terms don't mean what you think they mean.
Sometimes people make up their own definitions.
Sometimes people post such lists.
My favorite is the last one.
Enjoy.
These are by San Francisco trumpeter Al Molina:
p- Piano- The neighbors have complained
f- Forte- The neighbors are out
ff- Fortissimo- Forget the neighbors
pp- Pianissimo- The neighbors and the police are at the door
Obbligato- Being forced to practice
Rit/Rall- Coming to the part you haven't practiced
Con Moto- Yeah baby, I have a car
Allegro- It's a little car
Metronome- Short, urban musician who can fit into a Honda Civic
Lento- The days leading up to Easto
Largo- Beer brewed in Germany or the Florida Keys
Piu Animato- Clean out the cat's litter box or it goes
Interval- Time to meet the other players at the bar
Perfect Interval- When the drinks are on the house
Cantabile- Singing while drunk
Con Spirito- Drunk again
Chords- Things organists play with one finger
Dischords- Things organists play with two fingers
Suspended Chords- Things to lynch the vocalist
Subdominate- "I can't play unless I've asked my wife"
Syncopation- Condition brought on by an overdose of jazz
Quaver- The feeling brought on when you haven't practiced
Key Signatures- Silly little things put into music to frighten you (ignore and they will go away, along with your audience)
Colla Voce- This shirt is so tight I can't sing
Professional- Anyone who can't hold down a steady job
Flats- English apartments
A tempo de cafe- Ah, coffee time!
Improvisation- What you do when the music falls down
Fugue- Clever stuff
Prelude- Warmup before the clever stuff
Acciaccatura/Appoggiatura- Insects
Opus- Exclamation made when the cat "decorates" the new rug
Virtuoso- A person who can work wonders with easy-play music
Melody- An ancient now-extinct art in songwriting
Music- Happiness
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